The Edge of Freedom and other Dangerous Things

This is a Public Service Announcement

2012-01-18T11:04:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, there are two bills before Congress right now called SOPA and PIPA. I urge all of you to take 30 seconds out of your busy lives of internet browsing and help stop these bills. Proponents of these bills say that they will stop piracy and other such things on the internet when really it will do little to stop piracy, and lots to infringe on our rights. If you value your right to internet access and like your internet the way it is, take 30 seconds and sign Google's petition to stop these bills. If you follow the link, you can find the petiton and some more information you can read if you're unfamiliar with what SOPA and PIPA are all about.
https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/

Thanks for your time!

And BREAK!

2012-01-03T22:02:00.000-08:00

So I survived finals. Not a single grade less than a B-. I cannot begin to explain how relieved I am to have those tests done with. The day after I finished those up, I was on my way back home. And now here I am, writing this post from my bedroom at home, hours away from college life. It feels good to be home, and, at the same time, I can tell it'll feel good to go back.

I've hung out with my friends here a lot. It's strange seeing them after being apart for 4 months. I feel like a different person, that college has changed me some. But it's strange to come back and have them act the same and talk to me the same as they did before I left. And I feel, somewhat, that who they think I am isn't quite me anymore. Of course, I haven't changed that much. I just think that who I am with my friends in college is more me than the high school me my friends remember. It's somewhat confusing to explain, and it doesn't mean I don't enjoy hanging out with my hometown friends any less, it's just a strange new feeling I suppose that I'm not quite used to.

Speaking of college friends, I miss the social aspect of college a lot. I miss my friends there, going to parties, seeing my boyfriend and playing in the pep band. But I defiantly don't miss classes. :) I sure needed a break from those. My Japanese might be a little rough once I get back to those classes, but hopefully it comes back quickly. And hopefully my cultural studies class might help me get one step closer to finding a major.

I know this is a short post, but while on break, there's not really much to report on.
On a different note, I've noticed lots of traffic from Russia on this blog. Russia? Really? Well, whoever you are, if you're reading, it's cool to have readers from so far away.
Bye!

Halfway!

2011-12-21T12:54:00.000-08:00

This morning at 9am, I set down my pencil on my last test and officially and finally completed my first semester of college. It feels so strange that I'm already halfway through my first year. It flew by so fast I almost didn't have time to catch everything that happened. By this time next year (if the world doesn't end or something silly like that) I hope that I'll have had even more great times as a sophmore. But before that happens, I have to survive Freshman Year: Part Two. I have to survive another semester of Japanese, a semester where most of the time I'll be trudging through snow to my classes and trying not to freeze every time I put a foot out the door. But there will be upsides, like when the warm weather comes back and there will be fun times like Spring Jam and other merriment to be had.

But first, winter break. I'm convinced finals week is the University's tactic for making students want to go home to their families for around 3 weeks, because I can't wait to close the 8 hours between me and home. I can't wait to have no class related worries and just have a good time for a few weeks. I get to see all my old friends from high school, read to my heart's content, be around my pets every day, not have to do my own laundry (yeah, I know, I'm spoiled) and have home cooked meals not just as a special occasion. Oh, how I've missed real food. And when it gets dark in the evening, I'm going to go outside and stand in my driveway and stare up at all the stars I can't see here in the city. I haven't seen a sky full of stars in ages...
The one downside to this winter break is THERE IS NO SNOW!!!!!! People thought it was an apocalypse last year when we got tons of snow, I think that it's an apocalypse right now because it's 3 days away from Christmas Eve and there is not a single bit of snow on the ground! I'm appalled. If there's no snow on Christmas, I think that will be the worst part of break. We live in the north. It's not uncommon to have snow on Halloween and normal to have it for Thanksgiving. Not having it in December is just madness. But just as I finished that sentence, a few flakes started falling outside my window. Probably won't amount to very much, but I suppose it's the thought that counts. :P

So the only thing left to do now is say goodbye to one of my favorite people that I'll have to leave over break, zip up my suitcases, carry them down the steep 4 flights of stairs and out to my grandma's car and wait till tomorrow morning to close the gap between myself and home. Not looking forward to the goodbyes. I'll miss him terribly. But I'm determined to have fun over break at home, and thanks to the magic of skype I can still see him at least.

Home, here I come.

The (Almost) Completion of Semester #1

2011-12-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm saying this already, but finals are just around the corner. I'm almost finished with my first semester of college. It feels like just a few weeks ago I was moving in, marching around our university's stadium in 80 degree weather and feeling like such a newbie when it came to all this college stuff. But now the temperature has dropped down to a balmy 20 degrees on average, marching band has come to an end and I find myself faced with the dreaded final exams before heading back home. It's weird thinking about how much I've changed within just a few months. I went from the high schooler who thought she might have life all figured out, with expectations of what college would be like, to a college freshman who realized that she definetly doesn't have life figured out and that all expectations were dashed from the moment she set foot here. The people I've met and the groups I've become a part of have really changed things for me.

Marching band, as geeky as it sounds, has become like my second family. The people that are a part of this group are hands down the most amazing group of human beings that a girl could ever hope to meet when she goes off to college. This group is the reason I love this university so much. They're what got me through when I thought classes were going to drown me in stress and when my long-standing relationship came to an end and I thought I might've lost myself for a while. But because of them, I couldn't help but be happy again. It helped me move on and even meet someone new. Even just in my section, trumpet players have come to fill so many roles in my life. I have my mentors, my best friends, my boyfriend, my older brother figures... Everyone, no matter how much we get on eachothers nerves or how much we bicker during rehearsals, is someone that I feel so lucky to have met.
On top of that, my new brothers in Kappa Kappa Psi (and yes, I said "brothers". It's a co-ed fraternity)are taking my experience in band that much higher and I can't wait to work with all of them. :) I literally just finished my time as a PM and I learned so much.

So after this whirlwind of amazing experiences, I think it's going to almost be hard for me to go home for almost a month and leave the city that I've come to love so much. Since I live 8 hours away, it'll be hard to know that some of my friends live less than an hour away and can come see eachother and hang out over break. It'll be great to see my high school friends and my family again, but I'll miss how busy and fun it is here. I'm going to have to come up with things to do with my time once I don't have homework and band to occupy me. I've decided to read every new book that the library has added to their shelves once I get home. I can't tell you how much I've missed reading for fun.

But in the meantime, I suppose it's back to studying. Countdown to exam week: 1.5 weeks to go...

A Whole New Kind Of Crazy

2011-10-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

So the best word I can use to describe college is crazy. It's crazy wonderful, crazy difficult, crazy fun and crazy awesome. A lot has happened in my first month here. I joined marching band (best decision of my life), experienced my first break-up (craziest roller-coaster of my life) and have finally started to get into the swing of things.
My classes are going alright. I have a politics class, anthropology class and a Japanese class. This last one is probably the most intense language experience I've ever gone through. It's challenging and has it's ups and downs but I think if I try hard enough I can pull through okay.

I've had some pretty memorable non-academic experiences too.
#1. I went to see Wynton Marsalis and the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra in concert at Orchestra Hall downtown. As a trumpet player, this was like Christmas for me. I loved every second of the concert. They all played their instruments with so much expression it was like the instruments were talking and having a conversation instead of just playing the notes on a page. I don't think I'll ever forget how amazing the sound was.
#2. I went to a formal dance on a boat. Every year the marching band has a formal dance on a paddleboat that goes down the Mississippi river. The only downside of the dance was they didn't play "I'm On A Boat". Boo!! :P
#3. (Maybe) went on a date. We never really specified if it was a date...it was kinda implied... cuz we held hands, watched a movie.... I'll keep you updated. ;P

Soon I'll have some more crazy stories because in a few weeks is HOMECOMING! And all the band rookies get to do some really crazy stuff (NOT hazing...no seriously. it's not we have a choice if we want to participate) and learn a lot and really connect to our university. That...and there's a super awesome Homecoming kick-off event that I get to participate in. But it's a secret right now. So I'll post a link to the video after we've done it. :P

Bring on more crazy adventures! :)

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-09-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

First of all, I apologize for not updating in forever. Life has been SUPER busy since I began my first semester of college. But I love it so so much. To give you a brief summary, here's what my life has been for the past few weeks.

August 24th: I moved into my temporary living space (an empty dorm) for the beginning of SPAT CAMP! Spat camp, for those of you who don't know, is the training camp my university holds before the actual semester begins. It consists of 3-a-day rehearsals, 13 hour days, and lots of music in the 80+ degree August weather.
August 29th: I moved into my real dorm that I will be spending the remainder of my year in. It's a single dorm up on the top floor of one of the oldest dorm buildings on campus (our cafeteria kinda looks like Hogwarts although the food is less than magical...). On the couple hot and muggy days that we have at the beginning of the semester, we have no AC and almost no air circulation to keep us alive up on the top floor. But we deal because most of the year is cold and snowy anyway.
September 3rd: This was the last day of Spat Camp. I'm pretty sure that now that I went through it, I'm now more in shape than I've ever been. Some might laugh at the fact that marching band could whip me into shape, but I'd like to see you marching up and down a football field, bringing your knees up to 90 degrees on every step. Now do that for 8 hours a day. :P
September 6th: This was my very first day of classes. I'm taking a beginning Anthropology class (cultural anthropology), Global Politics and Beginning Japanese. I really enjoy all of them so far. Anthropology is incredibly interesting to me. Japanese is a lot of hard work, but I have the class 5 days a week, so I'm hoping the repetition and immersion will help me learn it quickly. I'm still reserving judgement for the politics class because I've only had the class once. :P

I really love it here. Thus far, I have no doubt that this is the place for me. Marching band is one of the smartest decisions I've made when coming here. Even though it's challenging and downright hard sometimes, I've made tons of friends. And it's a great feeling walking around campus and saying hi to at least two people on my way to my first class of the day. It feels like having a giant family that all takes care of each other. Even my first college party, I wasn't nervous about because my section leaders all made sure that all the underclassmen were taken care of and weren't pressured or left on their own. And the trumpet section, my section, is the greatest group of people. It's like having a bunch of crazy siblings that have their own wacky inside jokes and just love to have a great time together.

That, and it's wonderful seeing the city skyline on my walk to class every day. :)
Freedom is awesome.

The Edge

2011-08-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

So. This is it. In 7 days I'm leaving home and going off to the big city for college. It's rather crazy to think about. It still really hasn't sunk in and probably won't until I actually leave. After next Friday I'll be caught up in a whirlwind of college marching band training, "Welcome Week" for the incoming freshmen and, eventually, college courses. Lately everything has seemed so surreal. Every time I've driven around town I've found myself looking at things in a new way. I've looked at them thinking "Soon I won't get to look at these places on a daily basis. Everything will still be home, but I'm going to go months and months before I get to come back." And I guess it makes me a little sad. As much as some of the things about not living on my own stink, there are still some that are really great. I get to live here, in this beautiful town, for one thing. There's vast forests and a beautiful lake and grand old houses and a quaint downtown and fun community events. And I'm leaving all that for a HUGE city, lots of traffic and noise, less trees and concrete and stone. But I'm also leaving to start a new part of my life. So even though I'm sad to leave my hometown for a long while, I'm excited too.

One of the hardest parts is the nerves. I went on my giant shopping spree for all my dorm stuff with my mom the other day and picking out all the stuff was very nerve-wracking. I was nervous I was going to forget something or end up needing the thing I thought "I can probably get it down there if I actually need it..." And I've been taking all the clothes I'm taking out of my closet and folding them and stacking them in piles on my bedroom floor. My room is going to feel so empty once I'm done. Posters on my wall are coming down, shelves of books/notebooks/music/DVDs are being cleared out to come with me, blankets will be stripped off my bed and packed away... It makes me nervous because I don't know if things will ever be quite the same when I'm back.

And I'm going to miss my family and my friends. And my cat. XD Oh, i guess I'll miss my silly and crazy dog too. I just hope my parents take it okay. And that my sister is alright too. She's gonna be the only kid left in the house and I'm hoping that once my parents don't have to split attention between the two of us they don't become overprotective and overbearing... I think they'll be okay but I just hope it works out. My sister is starting her first year of high school this year and I'm hoping she likes it. I'm sad I won't be around to see her go through lots of the things I went through. I'd love to go to her first football game where she marches with the band. I'd love to see her go on the first day of school. I'd love to see her go off to her first formal dance... I have skype tho and thats better than nothing. :P

I don't know when my next post will be. I might squeeze another one in before I go, but, if not, the next one will be from my new life. :)

My Own Room!! :D

2011-07-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

SO. Dorm assignments came yesterday and I get a single room. Yup. I have my own room. My own space. I get to decorate however I want, sleep whatever hours I want, study/relax however I want. I don't need to worry about not getting along with my roommate or setting any silly boundaries. I don't think I need to say more than once how incredibly excited I am. It's like my own apartment. It just drives the fact that I am more independent home. The room itself is going to be pretty sweet too. Its up on the top floor of the building and I have a dormer window (which is basically just a window that sticks out from a slanted roof) so it'll be cozy and snug in the winter. The only downside is no AC so the early fall and late spring probably will be reeeally hot. But at least I'm at the top where I can catch the most breeze through the window.
But anyways. If anyone has any suggestions or good ideas for a single dorm, feel free to comment. :)

On a slightly more depressing note, all four wisdom teeth are coming out tommorow. IV sedation is what is freaking me out. I can't stand needles... I'm hoping it isn't too painful. :'(

AND I finally got myself a bit of a summer job. I'm dogsitting SIX chihuahuas.... yeah. That's right. Six. They're all crazy and small and loud, but they've gotten used to me now so we get along alright. I'm also going to be catsitting starting the day after tommorow. Income is a good thing. :)

More Steps Toward Freedom!!

2011-07-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

Wow. So much has happened in the last few days.
First of all, last week I turned 18!! Yes, I am legally an adult now. :) For my birthday I got an email from my university telling me that, because of my AP classes, I am now 17 credits ahead. So basically I have a whole semester of college finished!
Then next morning I went to college orientation and, contrary to what I had expected, I had an awesome time. I'm so so excited to go there in the fall. It's in a beautiful city, has a really pretty campus and I get to take stuff that interests me. Finally! No more "You have to take the classes required by the state in order to graduate". I'm on to "Yeah, you have requirments, but you can find something that interests you to fit the requirements". Thank. God.
SO. I got there on Wednesday and met some really cool people in my group. We walked around campus, listened to some presentations about what we need to do before we move in in the fall, got a safety lesson very craftily given to us by our orientation leaders. Then we slept in one of the dorms for the night (where I was really cold! ...one of the only downsides of the session...) and, in the morning, got to talk to our advisor and choose our classes for the fall semester. My advisor turned out to be a really cool guy and vaugly reminded me of (Warning: Obscure Reference) a very chill version of Artie from Warehouse 13 (if any of you saw that show on Syfy...)
I chose my classes right after talking to him and am now even more excited about my fall semester. I'm taking Beginning Japanese, Global Politics, Understanding Cultures (a beginning anthropology class) and, of course, Marching Band. I have no classes until 11AM except for an anthropology lecture Thursday mornings at 9. Even if some are General Ed classes, I'm super pumped that I get to take what I want.
Also, just thought I'd mention, I FINALLY watched the whole Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King on the way home and loved it.

I came home a few days after and the first thing I did was rush off to see the latest Harry Potter movie. I didn't get to go to the midnight release because of orientation, so I had to see it the next possible time I could. I am a HUGE Harry Potter nerd and have read the books and watched the movies more times than I can count. I like to think that I know pretty much anything and everything about it. Kinda geeky, but HP is my childhood. Literally. I picked up the first book in the 3rd grade, and now the last movie is released, just days after my 18th birthday, drawing my childhood to a close. And the movie was absolutely fantastic. Sure it wasn't 100% accurate, but they went so far as to use exact dialouge from the book (trust me, I've read them enough times to know) and anything that was left out were only small fragments. All in all, I give it an A. Five stars. Two thumbs up. I was in tears through the whole middle section. All the deaths, the dialouge, it just got to me and I cried along with about half of the people in the audience.

Now all I have left this summer is getting into shape for Marching Band... We'll see how this goes...

Summer Daze

2011-07-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

This week has been nuts and lazy at the same time.
I've been staying up every night until around 3AM Skyping the boyfriend. Now that he's moved, the 3 hour time difference is really a killer. 3 here is only midnight there. Midnight here is only 9 in the evening there. It's all so very confusing. Thankfully, when we go to college, there's only going to be a time difference of an hour. But he's been telling me all sorts of great stories that have to do with his religion. That's what I've been learning about recently. I find it all very fascinating. And I actually get enough now to understand some of the stuff he talks about pertaining to church things with him. We're both Christian...just different kinds. :P My religion isn't quite as...in depth as his. At least, not every single member of my church knows REALLY in depth stuff about it besides my pastor. At his church, everyone is expected to be knowledgeable. And I really like that. His is one religion that people might see as "different" but I've come to respect it very much and once I learn enough about it, maybe I'll figure out what I want in the matter of religion. That's a story to be continued though.

The babysitting job I talked about before doesn't seem to have worked out... But the next day I got another call and will probably be babysitting the cutest little almost-two-year-old ever. She's got blond hair and big blue eyes and doesn't talk very much (or at all from what I saw) but she was the sweetest thing ever. I got to meet her a couple days ago. When I left, she gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek...and a fist-bump. Any toddler who fist-bumps gets major points in my book. XD Her mom said she'd call and let me know when my first job is. I'm pretty excited. :D

This weekend, however, is going to be a very busy one. Today I went to rehearse with my old high school marching band for the 4th of July parade. It's weird being back with all of them because it makes me feel like I haven't left high school. Marching band was one of my favorite parts of high school though, so that's not a totally bad thing. Tommorow I'm going to a wedding for my youth minister (AKA one of the coolest guys on the planet!) Then after is the reception at a local hotel. Monday is, of course, the 4th of July. That means LOTS of music. First I play in the high school band in the parade and then with the City Band down in the park where they light off the fireworks over the lake.

So summer is turning out to be pretty good, despite the late nights.

Fashion! :)

2011-06-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

So recently I've become addicted to a little site called Polyvore.com. If you don't know what this is and are a fan of fashion/clothes/trends in any way, shape or form, I suggest you check it out.
This is how it works.
Once you get an account you can put together things called "sets". Think of clipping stuff out of a magazine and putting it all together on a peice of paper. This is basically what a set is minus the magazines and paper and glue. They have a little bookmark that goes in your toolbar which you can use while surfing around the internet. If you find something cute you like, you can clip it to Polyvore and use it in your sets. (Only downside, some things don't like to clip or can't clip to Polyvore so not everything is completely fair game.)
I'd explain more, but if you just check out the site, you'll see what I mean. You also can check out my profile where I have all my sets and such by following the link below.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=2588522
If you like my stuff and have your own account/make your own account, you can follow me and I'll definatly try to return the favor. :) But the whole point is to have fun!
Cya there! :)

A Lazy Week

2011-06-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

This week has been a long and calm one. The first contributing factor to this lull in lifes action was the fact that my younger sister went off to music camp and 50% of the energy in the house went along with her. It's funny how I don't realize how much energy she lets off until she's not here. The second contributing factor was that, for a span of six days, I didn't see the sun. This meant it was cold, rainy and around 50 degrees for 6 days straight. I don't know about the rest of you, but 50 degrees in the middle of summer is something I am just not okay with. Thankfully, a few days ago, the sun finally made an appearance and it's gotten steadily warmer since then. Since the return of the sun, I got out my camera and spent some time walking around gardens snapping pictures of flowers and such, trying to capture some of summer's glory should the clouds and rain return.
The hunt for a job might also be proving more fruitful than I had first hoped. I got a call today about a possible babysitting job that could work out quite well. I've felt pretty lazy since a good number of my friends have gotten jobs.

Another thing making me feel lazy, is the fact that I really need to get into shape. The reason, to some people, will probably seem slightly silly, but I need to get into shape for marching band at my university in the fall. Yes, you heard right. Marching band requires physical strength and Big Ten marching band requires a person to be in considerably good shape. Why? Think of it this way: try walking around a field with your arms bent, hands held at shoulder level. Good. Now add a metal instrument and blow through that instrument while doing that. Upper body strength and endurance are essentials. Walking around, holding your arms up doesn't sound hard until you have to concentrate on blowing air through an instrument at the same time.
All of this aside, I am a terrible procrastinator. This means that "getting in shape" has not been going so great. Neither has learning the required music. The music thing might come easier to me than the getting into shape thing, since I have been a musician for a good while. Something I haven't been for a good while is an athlete. I'm terrible at sports and generally avoid excersising, prefering to sit and read or listen to music. I'll probably have to come up with some sort of schedule if I want to keep myself on track. Hopefully I can stick to it. I'll keep you updated with how that's coming along.

Observation for the week: If both of you are into writing, a good way to stay connected with a loved one or friend is to share a Google Docs account and take turns adding to a story. That way, if one of you gets writers block, the other can write something new to get you started again. :)

Finally!

2011-06-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hello all!
So I FINALLY have my own computer. :D Yay for more independence! I'm still getting used to the keyboard and the touchpad and I FINALLY got all my media (songs, photos, videos, and the like) all uploaded and ready to go. For all of my previous posts, I have been posting from my iPod Touch which, although handy and quiet the nifty little device, is a pain when you want to type long posts.
But anyways. Today's post will be a post of observations.
Observation #1: When in a long distance relationship, a couple of days feel like at least a month. Today will mark day number nine without my very significant other and it feels like months!! I'm happy to say, however, that we are not breaking up, not "just being friends" and not giving up. :) Skype has been our best friend.
Observation #2: The house is very quiet without my little sister. She left for band camp today and the house has seemed incredibly calm without her constant energy. Neither are better than the other it's just...different.
Observation #3: This post is turning out to be VERY generic and slightly boring. I apologize. I promise that next time I shall have something of good quality to put forth.

The last thing I would like to say is "Happy Fathers Day" to all the awesome dads out there. I know mine is the best and I hope that if yours is as well that you let him know. :)

Bye!

Changes

2011-06-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

Hello world (again).
I haven't written in a long time have I? I apologize to anyone out there who was reading this...if there is anyone reading this...

It's been a while, and there's defiantly been/will be soon some changes in my life.
Change #1: I have achieved a giant leap toward freedom.
High school graduation.
That's right. I made it. My days of public education are over and I never have to go back to the 5 day a week 7:30am classes and really silly rules. It's incredible to think about and I still almost can't believe it. I did love some parts of high school. Music classes, my friends, some of my teachers, but the feeling that I never have to do it again is amazing.

Change #2: A change that isn't so great. On Friday my boyfriend is moving away. Not just to the next town or state, but over 2,000 miles away, across the country. I have no idea what this summer is going to be like without him, but I know that we aren't over. Even though being away from eachother will be tough and painful, it would be even more painful if we weren't together at all. He is one of the most important people in my life. He supports me and teaches me so many things and I'll miss him, but I couldn't be without him at all. Graduation was sorta a close of our chapter in high school and I guess this new one will just be a different kind of adventure.
Also, Skype will soon become one of my new best friends. Thank goodness for technology.

Something that hasn't changed: I still don't have a job.
I applied at the hardware store by my house, but I haven't heard anything back yet. I'm sort of new to this whole job hunt thing so I don't really know the ropes. I didn't have one last summer because both my parents work in the next town over from where we live so they wanted me home to keep an eye on my younger sister. So this summer is the first time I've gone looking for one.

Change #3: I've somehow begun this...spiritual journey, I guess you could say, in recent weeks. It didn't start that suddenly, it's been sitting on a shelf in my brain for years, but recently it's started to take off. I've mostly been questioning religion in general. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in God, but I've been wondering if where I am is really the best place for me. I have so many unanswered questions that my religion has failed to answer in my mind. Sure, I think my religion is a fine one, but sometimes the answers to my deeper questions are vague and slightly unsatisfactory. All I've learned from my almost 18 years there is, mostly, how to be a good person. And I feel like I could've figured that one out on my own. Sure, I've learned that God and His son love me...but I've never had in-depth teachings about the big WHY questions. I mostly want to know WHY things are the way they are. And, at the moment, I'm sorta stuck between two religions. One seems to make sense in regards to those big WHY questions. The only problem is, is that my mom and her family have been my current religion their whole lives. And I know for a fact that mom doesn't necessarily like the branch of Christianity that I have been privately exploring...
It's all very complicated.

So those are my changes. Hopefully going to college and getting out of the house and starting my own life will make things easier for me. I'm hopeful that it will and that I'll be able to pursue anything that I feel is true for me.

A Most Excellent Weekend (with a Valentines Day theme)

2011-02-13T20:03:00.000-08:00

So this weekend was, in the infamous words of Bill and Ted, "most excellent". Firstly, I didn't have much homework, which is always a plus, and secondly, I got to spend a lot of time with my favorite guy in the whole entire universe (my boyfriend...duh). It was just a wonderful two days of great experiences and good times.

Saturday: Saturday. Was. Amazing. At 6:00 my boyfriend picked me up and, before leaving, gave me my Valentines Day gift: a soft, fuzzy, cuddly Teddy-bear. (Sorta a play off of a cute nickname I have for him.) Then he whisked me away to dinner at a great Italian place.
New Experience #1: Sharing an Italian dish I'd never tried before and loving it. :)
Then we hurried to the city's Symphony concert.
New Experience #2: Watching a symphony play Bizet, Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninoff all in one concert.
It was a great concert. There was one of the top violinists in the state playing one of the Tchaikovsky violin solos. Only downside was the balcony seats we had were really warm, making us rather sleepy. It was worse for my boyfriend who had camped out (in the snow...cave thing... :P ) the night before and didn't get much sleep to begin with.
Then he drove me home; a wonderful conclusion to a wonderful evening.

Sunday: So I plucked up some courage, squashed any nerves and went to church with my boyfriend. Not that it's the most daring feat in the world, but I was sure nervous.
New Experience #3: Going to a new church for a Sunday.
I really really enjoyed having a new religious experience under my belt. It was so interesting and new and eye-opening.
But the best part about this experience was realizing (for the 10 billionth time) how much better and calm I feel when my boyfriend is there with me. Now, I like to think I'm a strong, independent woman, and I try to be...but there's just something truly amazing about having someone who is there for you and supports you like my boyfriend does for me. So, in the spirit of Valentines Day (I apologize to any other readers for the mushiness) I can't help but semi-dedicate this post to my guy. You're amazing. Period.

Local Issues: Makes Some Compromises People.

2011-02-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

"Keep calm and carry on."

I live in a pretty industrial town. It doesn't really look like it from the beautiful lake views and acres and acres of forest, but my area is into mining and shipping big time. That's what settlers came to this, at the time, God-forsaken place for. It's been the norm for centuries. Haul the raw materials out of open-pit mines, cart it down to the harbor and send it off on the big boats that dock there. Simple.

But recently, since about 2006, there's been a new addition that, unlike the open-pit mines, people haven't taken to as easily. It's called sulfide mining. Not open pit, but extracting minerals out of the ground with chemicals. The problem with this is that the place this mine is going in is in a pristine natural environment. And some people are absolutely livid. The problem with the mine, they point out, is the potential to pollute nearby river systems. And it's true that there is that possibility. It's been almost 7 years now since I can remember this controversy starting. The same amount of time I've known my boyfriend....probably because his dad was a project manager for the mine. :P
So I have two perspectives of this situation. My parents view, which is one of concern. They're not avid protesters or activists, but if they had a choice, this mine wouldn't be going in. And, my boyfriends view which was, up until very recently, that this was his dad's job. So two very different views.
My view...I'm on the fence. I'm concerned for the environment, this is true. I love the woods and especially places like the habitat where the mine is going in. I'm hoping and praying that the mine lives up to their word and respects the surrounding habitat and always makes sure that they're not polluting. But the good thing about the mine is that it could serve to stimulate the economy up here for a bit, create some jobs and bring more business here. So I truly hope that all goes well and nothing is hurt in the process.
It still remains a fact that this mine is an issue. Even though all the paper work has been read, signed and approved by the state, there still are fighters. Every little chance they get, they're at it. Currently it is the issue of getting the raw materials to the processing plant in another township. First the mine wanted to build a new road directly to the plant. But that was shot down with a "No there are wetlands there!" So the mine decides to use the existing roads to get there and now the argument is "No, they're driving these big trucks through town, that can't happen!" I see protesters points. There are downfalls to each method of shipping. But no matter what, this mine has been cleared for take-off so, even though it sounds like giving up, we're all just going to have to deal with the situation. Compromises will have to be made somehow. The mine isn't going to get up leave. They've been cleared for take off, mission is go, whatever you want to call it. At this point, if we let them focus on doing their job, maybe it won't be as bad as we think.

Planning to leap off the edge (aka college).

2011-01-21T21:20:00.001-08:00

Soooo...sorry I haven't written in a long time whoever is reading....if anyone is reading.... I blame midterm exams.
And also, my blog stats show views from not only the US but Canada, UK, Russia, Romania, Latvia and the Netherlands. Whhhaaat??!? That's awesome!!!! :D

So, on to my topic.

I live in a college town so I'm no stranger to the idea of higher education. I've never doubted that I would go to college and now that I'm a senior the biggest question is "WHERE?!?!?" It's frustrating and hard to deal with on top of the goings on of high school and the constant barrage of college information. This topic has come up because this week has been a concentrated dose of college related experiences.
First, on Monday, my parents decided it would be a good idea to tour the college in my hometown. I don't mind this college, I guess... But at my high school sometimes I feel like that this college is the one place you go if you can't go anywhere else or are not motivated enough to go anywhere else. This is not always the case, don't get me wrong. It's a good school. But it's just a different view growing up around this college.
My opinion is this: I don't want to go there. If I don't get out of my hometown for college I feel like I won't be able to have any other new, different experiences. And I have to leave so I can come back right?
The second experience will be happening tomorrow morning. I'm competing in a presidential scholarship competition at a smaller school the next state over from where I live. It will be...interesting... First, I have to write an timed essay for the finals of this competition. Then I get to tour the campus. Maybe I'll like it...maybe I won't. Who knows.
On top of all of this, I found out that one of the colleges I've been really interested in won't be telling me their decision until March. That's in 2 months!!!! :( oh well.
In other words, college decisions suck. End of story. But it's exciting...in a sorta scary, nerve-wracking way....

Politics vs Humanity

2011-01-11T13:35:00.000-08:00

For the last few days, I have had politics on the brain. It's common knowledge that, last Saturday, an Arizona Congresswoman, along with a number of innocent bystanders, were shot in a tragic assassination attempt. Since then, the media and political worlds have been a frenzy of activity. I watches CNN give it's evening reports last night and was struck by the fact that politicians and the talking heads on TV have turned this awful tragedy into a debate. Sure there were the pieces on Congresswoman Gifford's health and recovery, the acts of heroism after the attack occurred... But above all of this were the stories of the debates that have already flared up. The name calling, the finger pointing, the blame game. Some blame inadequate gun regulation. Some blame the intense and almost violent rhetoric thrown about in political speeches. And once someone blames one aspect, the people who support that aspect get offended and the rift just gets bigger. Someone always gets offended and throws another verbal punch right back.
And what struck me at that moment was a realization that no one is going to get anywhere soon on preventing it from happening again. Oh sure, we'll be more careful in the future. More safety precautions, all that jazz. But neither position, gun laws or violent rhetoric is going to get anywhere soon. They are just going to sit in their offices, in the news rooms, behind microphones, in front of cameras and tell the public that their opponent is wrong.
I'm all for a democratic society and I understand political parties exist to represent groups of people with similar ideals...but sometimes I just hate how that divides us. In most cases, it's alright to have some division. It let's us see both sides. But in this case I'm not so sure. People have died. Others are in the hospital. What about their families, loved ones and friends? While politicians debate ceaselessly it feels like they are forgetting about them. Their tragedy is just fuel for the political machine. I think it's time some of them stopped and reevaluated. Political agenda or those still hurting from terrible loss and tragedy?

In remembrance of:
-U.S. District Judge John Roll, 63
-Dorthy Murray, 76
-Dorwin Stoddard, 76
-Christina Greene, 9
-Phyllis Scheck, 79
-Gabe Zimmerman, 30

Thoughts and prayers to the other 13 people injured.

High School and Senioritis

2011-01-10T15:28:00.001-08:00

(not the most profound discourse on high school but I gave it a shot.)

I will never understand the reasoning for starting high school at ungodly hours of the morning. First we have to wake up from anywhere from 5:30-7, the time when our brains are ready for another sleep cycle, to make it in time for classes. Then the teachers, principals and admins complain that we're tired. Then they teach us about sleep cycles in Psychology, telling us that teenagers biologically are wired to go to sleep later and wake up later; a scientific fact that, despite being taught in our classes, totally ignored by the administration.
Despite the early hours, terrible lunch food, cold classrooms, packed hallways and every other high school cliche imaginable, I don't find high school to be entirely disagreeable. I admit I probably have had a better experience than most. Participating in the music program has been one of the best choices I've made in my 4 years here. Along with that, the higher, AP track I've taken has put me in some pretty fun classes.

Senior year, however, had been the toughest so far. Many say that junior year is the worst. I would have to disagree.
1. Senior year brings with it the "why am I not done with this yet?!?!?" question that haunts you until graduation.
2. Once you get accepted to colleges you begin the downward spiral of "can't I just go there yet???" questioning.
3. The wanting to get away from all the people who aren't ready to move on from high school.
4. And, of course, the extreme procrastination that is caused by all of the above, way too much homework and college applications.

I don't know if anyone had ever learned the trick to beating senioritis... I have a feeling I will never know.

Oh Sunday...

2011-01-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

"And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, 'This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.'"
-Matthew 3:16-17

Just a snippet of the Gospel from church today. ^^

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday... Such an interesting day. It always starts the same for me. I either sleep in, wake up at noon and think "...I should've gone to church." OR my mom wakes me up around 10 and I stumble around groggily, get ready and go to church.
After church, we usually come home to find my dad blasting some form of jazz over the house stereo and cleaning something. During the normal school year, Sundays are known as "Homework Sunday". If you've ever been a normal high schooler, you know that all real homework gets done on sunday afternoons, when Monday is looming menacingly on the horizon. I almost wish I could change my habits, get my work done on Saturday/free Friday nights. If I could do that, then I could use Sunday for what it is meant for: relaxation and reflection.
But I can't seem to get motivated to get the work done. Friday and Saturday I'm just so relieved to have a break from school that I just want to enjoy the slightest bit of freedom. It sorta takes the calm out of Sunday afternoons. I procrastinate till the late afternoon, trying to retain the relaxation of the rest of the weekend...but the creeping sensation of knowing one has homework always catches up to me.
I guess that brings me to one of the main things I often think about on Sunday.
I sometimes wonder if people have lost the sense of the importance of Sundays, the day of rest. Like it's just become another day of the week that we've found we can cram more and more "stuff" into. And then I realize that I, at times, am one of those people. I worry about homework, sometimes hang out with friends when I'm not worrying about homework... So I defiantly not the prime example for "keeping the Sabbath holy" as they say. So how does one begin to fix that? It's difficult, in such a busy world, to completely shut down all form of work. With school, I constantly have work due and sometimes it seems as if weekends are the only chance to get it done. There's one excuse. We come up with so many excuses. I suppose I'll just have to try harder to make sure those excuses don't totally get in the way. I just have to find that balance of what is important right now, and what has always been and always will be important.

Hello World!

2011-01-08T22:39:00.000-08:00

I don't know how I should start this... A profound statement? A witty remark? A simple hello? I suppose I should tell you ("you" being whoever is reading this) a bit about me. I'm nor going to post my real name, or tell you exactly where I'm from but I'll tell you pretty much everything else. ;P
1. I suppose I'll explain the name of the blog. The name I actually wanted was "the edge of freedom, plunging into the real world, change and other dangerous things"...but blogspot decided that was too long for a blog. XD The best way to describe the meaning behind the name is that, as I teeter at the edge of plunging face first into the "real world" as they call it, things seem to be changing very rapidly and I seem to be at "the edge of freedom". I graduate high school in May, a few short months, and soon I'll find myself out in the world.
2. I live in the north by a lake. So we have heaps and heaps of snow half of the year, if not more. My hometown isn't huge, but it's not tiny either. Personally, I think it is one of the most beautiful places on earth. We have gorgeous views, tons of trees and woods, miles of lakeshore and a really beautifully historic downtown.
3. I'm a senior in high school. Top dog. Head hancho. ...ok maybe not really, but I am in the highest grade so that must count for something. My high school is average size, has a football team that, until only just recently, has failed epically, has a kick-butt music department (win!) and boasts too small lockers, a heating/cooling system that doesn't work and a legendary chocolate chip cookie made by the kitchen staff that might just be te gooiest thing ever invented by mankind.
4. I have a pretty cool family. Mom, Dad, my little sister, my ridiculously hyper chocolate lab and my emo cat who doesn't like anyone in the family except me.
5. I LOVE music except for country, screamo and vulgar forms of rap. I play trumpet and piano and sing.
6. I read constantly. Mostly fantasy and manga but anything else I can get my hands on as well.
7. My friends are awesome. They're all different ages and are fun, silly, thoughtful and smart. We have great traditions like Sandwich Monday where Monday afternoons mean sandwiches and random adventures.
8. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. We've been together almost a year and a half but we've been hooked on eachother way longer. We met when we were 11 and he's kind, smart, caring and talented... And being with him is such a learning experience. I get to learn about all the things that he believes that are different than me, religiously speaking. That's the biggest learning experience for me.
9. Staying on topic of religion, I have been raised Lutheran. Yes, I believe in God. The world we live in can be so wonderful and beautiful and amazing things happen every day...it's hard NOT to believe. I do admit, however, like everyone, I have the emotion of doubt that is almost impossible to avoid. But I think it's how one deals with that doubt is what matters the most.
10. I really enjoy learning about other cultures, especially Japanese. It started with my love of manga and anime and grew from there.
11. I despise math with a burning passion but I really enjoy English and History/Gov classes. Art is another area I excel. I'm good with sketches, drawing and painting. Maybe I'll put up some of my artwork eventually...
12. I love the theater and I love to act. I've done several shows, most of them musicals and most with my high school, including Fiddler on the Roof, Suessical and Into the Woods. I also like going to professional plays and Broadway plays. Wicked has been my favorite so far.

I'm probably forgetting a whole bunch of things but I'll elaborate more in future posts. I'll have whole bunches of things...opinions, random rants, daily happenings...
But for now,
Cya!